You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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