Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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