Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
did i walk over a car last night?
then he tried to convert me to islam
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
