Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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