I think I died a long time ago.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
