It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
