It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
the raccoons are back...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
