I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
