CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
