Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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