Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
