ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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