But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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