Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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