I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
