it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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