Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
