she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
