i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
