So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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