I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
