It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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