You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
