OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
