What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
