I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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