he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
