Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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