So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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