He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im holly from the hills drunk
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
