No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
