Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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