plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
