I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
