i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
