he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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