Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
