apparently the secret to your success is patron
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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