just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
