Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I will be naked everywhere
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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