Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
