New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
