Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
