My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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