I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My feet surprised me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
