Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
A bitchslap is in order.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
