dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
