my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
