I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You took a bar mat shot.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
