sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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