I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
