he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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