They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
