Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
